I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
