you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
