I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
