Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my sisters under your porch take her home
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
