she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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