Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
