I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
