i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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