Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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