yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
