Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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