when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
