I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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