Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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