I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
