my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
