just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
