I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
