how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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