sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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