Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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