I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he was CRYING into my vagina
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need moral support for this bender
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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