never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
