I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
