I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
