ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Help. Why am I so naked?
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