There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
