what day is it and did you see me today?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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