So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
