my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
