In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
