Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
