Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
