Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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