he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
