We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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