I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
