I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
