I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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