This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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