hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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