I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
