so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
