Even the bartender felt bad for me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
