ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
