So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My ass is underappreciated
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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