i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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