I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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