someone get that fucking seahorse.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
