Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
