we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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