I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
