dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
