You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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