When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
