So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can you bring me the toilet please
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
