I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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